The Ten Commandments Of Secular Society

Something I was thinking of. It's a mish-mash of strong atheistic culture and consumerist culture. I'm not so great with Middle English, though, so if anyone would like to make any corrections, then please do.

1. Thou are thine own God, which Darwin hath brought thee out of the land of Israel, out of the house of Christendom. Thou shalt have no other gods before thineself: For when thine preserveth thineself, thine prospereth.
   
2. Thou shalt not honour any authority, or any likeness of any thing that is of heaven above, or that in the earth beneath: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for thou are against heaven; thou would prefereth honour of that in the water under the earth.
   
3. Thou shalt take preference in taking the name of the LORD thine Enemy in vain; for thine friends might take offence to the F word.
   
4. Remember the weekend, to keep it wholly filled with pleasures. Five days shalt thou permit labour, and do some of thy work: But the two rest days are the days of pleasure: Thou shalt freely be excused from any work and indulge in pleasure: For pleasure releaseth endorphins, which fueleth the chemical processes in thine brain, which decideth all thine morality.
   
5. Honour thy father and thy mother; dishonour thine brothers and sisters.
   
6. Thou shalt not kill or sterilise those who further the Evolutionary process for humanity; though shalt kill or make infertile those who dwindle behind; thou shalt kill thineself if it furtherest the Evolutionary process.
   
7. Thou shalt not forbid homosexuality. Thou wilt defend thine homosexual brothers by inflaming thine Christian enemies.
   
8. Thou shalt only steal from thine brothers when they are representest by large corporations, whom hath power to condemn thee.
   
9. Thou shalt witness against thy Christian neighbours and cloak thine hypocrisy.
   
10. Thou shalt not refrain from spending thy money on what thou lusteth for. For thine wallet is given to thee, and is deserveth to thee, and if thou neighbour hath what you desirest, either thou deservest, or thine neighbour not.

How racist are you?

There's a quiz on Facebook entitled "Are you really black???" which gives a rough percentage of how "black" you are.

How black are you? Not very. I have photos lying around on the internet, and I can assure you, I am about as white as the driven snow.
No really, how "black" are you? That's my answer.
No, how "black" (as in is black) are you? I'm sticking with my answer.
No, how black, as in, how much of a thief, a vandal, a hip-hop / "gangsta"-rap lover, a poor guy, an idiot, are you? This is what they really mean. The real question is, how racist are you?

What defines a black person? According to Google:

Definitions of black person on the Web:

• Black: a person with dark skin who comes from Africa (or whose ancestors came from Africa)
  wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
• The term black people usually refers to a racial group of humans with a dark brown skin color, but it has also been used to categorise a number of diverse populations into one common group. ...
  en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_person
• or Afro American, sh** shin, ghetto dweller, or n**ger (hyphen optional) is the racial, political, social and cultural group which includes all ...
  uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/African_American
  

Wait, how did Uncyclopedia get in there?

The definition I use is closest to the Wikipedia definition, and it's quite simple really. It's how dark your skin is. That's all there is to it.

The colour of your skin does not actually mean that you steal, vandalise, have a broken car muffler, have no taste in real music, and play "gangsta"-rap out your custom car sound system at about 2 in the morning. That is a culture attributed to black people, but it does not mean that if you are black then you do this, nor does it mean that if you do this then you are black.

I am not being racist by calling someone black. I am just using a term which describes their skin colour, which is generally closer to brown.

Someone I know took the quiz and was "60% black" (I'd actually say about 30% if we're talking about skin colour). And this is the associated text:

you are a wanna be black, even tho you are not, u want 2 be 1 really black.

The spelling says it all: "Hi, I am 'cool' because I spell on Facebook like I'm sending a text message, instead of taking advantage of a full-sized keyboard." It's a good sign that there's a quiz-app-maker-app lying around somewhere. Bebo has Quizzer. That is all you need. Not a bunch of other redundant quiz apps which require you to invite a whole bunch of people who couldn't care less just so you can see your answers. I think Facebook has a policy against that.

So yeah, asking "how black are you?" in terms of how they act doesn't make you cool. It makes you racist.